I will start by saying that I would be lying if I knew when it started….but I just hate to say it out loud. I have had this overwhelming feeling of nothingness ever since the pandemic happened and I finally have to admit it to get it off my chest. I hate to say it because it means that something actually effected me and then I feel weak because I can’t control it. It’s my life and I hate the fact that I couldn’t control it.
I wasn’t like this 6 years ago. I was in control of everything and now I feel as if my life is spinning out of control. I could go into details…..but perhaps when I get myself out of this funk I will. Right now its too raw and close.
Perhaps its the fact that I’m creeping up on forty…..but I also don’t feel fulfilled. Like I’m running out of time for something and then before I know it I’m dead. My work life is in shambles, my personal life is in disarray, and I’m just having a hard time placing both feet on the ground so I can start running again.
I’m really hoping that I will get out of this because I want me back. I want the woman that I once knew back and I only see a small spark of her and it kills me inside.
Ashley Allard 